Three stupid words
by Yaoifan101
Summary: Nowaki says I love you all the time but Hiroki can never seem to get those words out of his mouth and he doesn't know why. alright rated T to be safe Nowaki/Hiroki -Egoist PLEASE REVIEW
1. Chapter 1

_**disclaimer-i obviously don't own Junjou Romantica because if i did there would be more Egoist and more sex....that wasn't so uncensored ...like the manga i only own this story**_

...................

Nowaki always told Hiroki that he loved him....but Hiroki could never fully reply. He wanted to but there was always something that stopped him from doing so. He hated himself for not being able to say it...it just wasn't fair to Nowaki.

........

Hiroki walked out of the bedroom tying his tie

"good morning Hiro-san" Nowaki said smiling.

"Good morning" he replied not looking over at him. Nowaki eyed his lover curiously wondering why his expression seemed so distant this morning.

"Are you feeling alright Hiro-san?" he asked

"yeah, of course I am why would you ask something like that" Hiroki replied looking down.

"No reason" Nowaki replied "are you going to have breakfast before you go" he asked.

"No" Hiroki replied walking to the door he felt awkward around Nowaki now knowing that when he was near him he'd be faced with that same problem of 'I love you'. His hand reached for the door knob-

"wait Hiro-san" Nowaki said stopping the brunette walking over.

"W-what" Hiroki asked not turning around Nowaki looked at him....was it just him or did Hiroki sound nervous. He looked at him and turned him around leaning down kissing him, he departed and smiled at him "I love you Hiro-san" he said. Hiroki widened his eyes as the blue haired man said those words.

_What should I do now? _

He looked into his lovers blue eyes "I...-" he started but then the words disappeared in his throat leaving him to stand there "I gotta go" he said and sped out the door. Nowaki stood there and blinked to clear his confusion he fronwed though and looked down wondering why Hiroki had been acting so strange lately.

Hiroki slowed down half way down the street, he hadn't even realized that he'd started running. He panted _/Nowaki/_ was all that ran through his head. He was ashamed, how could he not say just three simple words, just three words.

Why was this so hard to do?

_/I'm such an idiot ...I can't say I...well, those three words..me the 'Kamijou the devil' is afraid to say just three stupid little words...I'm so pathetic/_

Hiroki started walking down the street while thinking of this, he couldn't get it out of his head it was just three words.

Three stupid words.

TBC

_**okay i had an idea i wrote it tell me if you hate it PLEASE REVIEW**_


	2. attempt 1 failure

_**disclaimer-again I do not own Junjou Romantica if I did there would be more sex scenes that are like the manga and more Egoist**_

_**...................**_

Hiroki continued walking to school, walking up the steps and through the halls. Letting out a sigh as he opened the door the his conjoined office to find Miyagi already sitting at his desk.

"Ah, Kamijou" he said turning his head removing the cigarette from his mouth.

"Good morning professor" he replied simply, removing his coat and walking over to his desk.

"Nah,Kamijou what's wrong with you" he asked swirling his chair to face him.

"What are you talking about I'm fine" he replied.

"Are you sure? Thats quite a face your making" he said.

"I'm not making a face!" he said in annoyance, he already had to many things on his mind the last thing he needed was for him to annoy him.

"Come Kamijou you can tell me, it has to do with that giant boyfriend of yours doesn't it?" he asked as if he was a mindreader.

"I'd prefer if you kept your nose out of my business professor" he said.

"Touchy are we, why must you be so mean to me?" he asked dramatically "Here I am trying to soothe your pain and you coldly reject me" he said.

Hiroki growled his hand tightly holding onto the book he had pulled out of his bag, he swiftly turned around and chucked it at his head with an impressive amount of force. The book flew across the room making a hard contact with its target,hitting Miyagi dead straight on his head.

"I'M NOT IN ANY PAIN NOW LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY!" he shouted at him as the older man rubbed the forming bruise on his head.

Hiroki just couldn't take this, why the hell was this bothering him so much.

It shouldn't be such a big deal.....Nowaki said it all the time to him without any hesitation at all. So why was it that ti was so easy for Nowaki to say it and so difficult for him to say it himself?

Hiroki began to gather up his books walking out of the room and down the hall to his classroom.

Was it because.....he didn't love Nowaki?

Hiroki widened his eyes and stopped at this thought. He shook his head, no, that was crazy.

He did.....but then why couldn't he say it, if he really did love him then why couldn't he say it.

He entered the room and sat down waiting for his class to start he'd just have to put on a straight face and go own with the day.

........................

Although this was much easier said then done sure he was fine keeping a straight face during his classes.....but his mind was latched on that question still. He had to stop thinking about it so much he couldn't let his life get in the way of his work.

....

This was also much easier said then done. He was just thankful when the bell finally rang, allowing him to go home.

Although he was glad to be going home he could tell that he was taking his own sweet time in getting ready to leave, was he trying to avoid going home. That must have been it , after all if he went home he'd see Nowaki and sooner or later Nowaki would say those words, and there Hiroki would sit without a reply.

Hiroki began to walk home that night after finally having nothing to stall himself with at his work. So he took the long route home and walked slowly instead, which was quite annoying because it was cold out. He could only think of how this was doing to Nowaki.

Nowaki probably had it worse then he did, after all he was the one person he never was told 'I love you'. Hiroki felt horrible for doing it to him, it was like there was now a black patch on his heart of guilt for the act. He must sound so stupid right now.

He soon arrived at the door to his apartment he stared at it for awhile, then finally took out his key and opened the door he could feel his stomach churning as he opened the door the anxiety levels were rising.

"Welcome back Hiro-san" Nowaki said smiling as he turned his head. Hiroki looked at him, he was sitting on the couch watching Tv. He let out a sigh as he walked in the house.

_/It's no use...its not like i can avoid him forever sooner or later the subject will come up/ _

"How was your day" Nowaki asked watching him as he walked over.

"Fine" he replied simply.

/_Come on, come on I can do this....just.....just say it....its just three words..three stupid words./_

"Hiro-san" Nowaki asked.

"What" Hiroki replied innerly trying to motivate himself. Nowaki walked up behind him and looked down at the brunette.

"Hiro-san, have I done something to upset you" he asked "you've been acting strangely lately, every time I'm around you, you seen nervous, it feels like your avoiding me" he said looking down at him. Hiroki couldn't look at him though he already knew what the look on his face was....he could tell he was hurt...he hated himself.

"Have I done something to make you angry with me?" he asked.

Hiroki couldn't bring himself to answer, he couldn't look at him he hated himself for what he was doing to Nowaki. Nowaki didn't deserve this.

/_I really so hate myself now, now Nowaki's suffering because of me....he doesn't deserve it....god if I could only say it......just say it./_

Nowaki frowned when Hiroki didn't reply he rapped his arms around his figure Hiroki widened his eyes. Nowaki rested his head in the crook of his neck, Hiroki could feel his eyes filling with tears. How pathetic he must look right now, but he couldn't take it he couldn't take doing this to him.

Hiroki started to open his mouth

"I....I-" he started stuttering slightly Nowaki lifted up his head slightly.

"Hm" he asked.

"I....I...I" Hiroki stuttered painfully.

/_Come on say it say it already just say it already/ _he begged himself.

"I..." then the words caught in his throat......and disappeared.

/_No/_

Hiroki stood there and let his bangs cover his eyes in shame of himself.

"I'm just tired Nowaki" he lied Nowaki lifted up his head looking at him.

"That's all, I'm just really tired, I've just had a rough week" he lied.

_/I'm sorry Nowaki, I couldn't do it I'm sorry Nowaki I couldn't say it./_

Hiroki frowned reaching his hand up holding onto Nowaki's arm that was still rapped around him.

/_I'm sorry./_

_TBC_

_**alrighty then second chapter done tell me how you liked it PLEASE REVIEW**_


	3. night at the office

_**disclaimer-okay one more time I DO NOT OWN JUNJOU ROMANTICA if I did there would be more explict sex and more egoist**_

_**.................**_

Hiroki laid in bed that night feeling disgusted with himself. He couldn't sleep at all that night not when the source of his distress was sleeping right next to him.

The next morning Hiroki was in a rush to get dressed, he couldn't be around Nowaki....not until he could figure this out. Sadly since they lived together not being around him was rather hard to do.

He rushed out the door before Nowaki could even open his mouth. Nowaki stood there and frowned looking down.

"I don't understand, Hiro-san says he just tired......but that doesn't explain why he's avoiding me like this" he said thinking out loud. He sat down on the couch "has he gotten bored with me" he asked fearfully.

"Does this mean that Hiro-san hates me now" he asked "what am I doing wrong" he asked in distress letting his head fall into his hands.

....................

Meanwhile Hiroki was dealing with his own anxiety.

/_Why is it I can't say it....I do....so if I do ...then why can't I tell him, is it because of my pride?../_

he was so confused right now. He was willing to give up every ounce of his pride to tell Nowaki the truth. Well if that wasn't it then what was stopping him?

Hiroki arrived at the University again and walked down the halls to his office.

"Ah good morning again Kamijou" Miyagi said taking a drag.

"Should you be smoking in here?" he asked walking past him.

"Nah, nah" the other replied putting out his cigarette.

"Eh...what's wrong with you Kamijou, you look like you haven't slept all night" he said eyeing him.

"What, don't be stupid" he replied of course it was true though he hadn't slept all night. He had been to overrun with guilt that he couldn't sleep.

"Are you sure, because I have the vaguest suspicion that your lying to me" he said.

"I'm not lying professor and I don't have the slightest idea what your talking about" Hiroki replied he really didn't want to touch the subject anymore.

"I'm having a hard time believing you Kamijou, after all you've had the most unpleasant looking face on this week."

"No I haven't" Hiroki defended sitting down in his seat.

"Kamijou, your not very good at lying you know" he said "I can tell something's bothering you so why don't you just tell me what it is" he said. This might have been one of the only times that Miyagi wasn't kidding around.

"Look professor there's nothing wrong with me, nothings bothering me" he lied.

Miyagi let out a sigh and dropped the subject to Hiroki's relief. The day played out as usual again.

..........

Nothing new happened that day after the classes had ended, Hiroki began to busy himself in any way he could in an attempt to avoid from going home. Miyagi glanced over at Hiroki who was still working at his desk.

"Nah, Kamijou you should go home its getting late" he said.

"Uh, no that's fine you can go if you want I can lock up, I have some more work to finish anyways" he said not looking up from his work.

"Alright" Miyagi replied leaving the building.

Leaving Hiroki to sit there at his desk Hiroki let out a sigh leaning back in his chair.

/_This doesn't make any sense I shouldn't have any trouble telling him, after all...I've said that before haven't I/_

There was a sudden silence that over took his mind.....had he ever said that?

"I'm sure I must have said that at some point of my life to someone" he said looking up at the ceiling.

/_Wait.....I think I have said that to someone before..../_

He thought in his mind and then allowed his eyes to close leaning back in his chair letting the words come out in a whisper.

"Akihiko".

TBC

_**AH DUN DUN DUN now what will happen PLEASE REVIEW**_


	4. three stupid words

_**disclaimer-OKAY LAST TIME I DO NOT OWN JUNJOU ROMANTICA IF I DID THERE WOULD BE MORE EGOIST AND MORE EXPLICT SEX SCENES**_

_**.....................**_

Hiroki's eyes opened as the words slipped past his lips.

"Akihiko" he repeated.

/_Now I remeber/_

_.........._

_Hiroki cringed as Akihiko entered him he opened his eyes as Akihiko slid his hand on the side of his face he smiled looking at him. This feeling inside of him....what was it._

_He didn't know how to describe it, instead something slipped out his mouth._

_"I love you" he said as Akihiko raised his other hand to his face sliding them into his hair._

_"T-Takahiro" Akihiko groaned out._

_Hiroki's eyes widened as he heard the words exit his mouth he felt something in him snap.....it was his heart._

_His warm hands left his face leaving him only a memory, what was this new feeling it was so different from the one he had felt before. It hurt.....his heart felt like it was being torn apart, what was this. _

_............._

Hiroki widened his eyes at this memory.

/_Now I remember.....I said that to Akihiko....right before that happened/_

Now Hiroki knew what the feeling he felt that night was ......heartbreak.

"Wait" Hiroki said suddenly at coming to realization.

"Is that why I can't tell Nowaki that.......because....." he started and then paused

"I'm afraid" he said finally.

"I can't say it to him...because I'm.....afraid of getting my heart broken again" he said in a shocked voice his eyes wide and his brows furrowed.

....................

Hiroki couldn't believe it...that was the reason...he just knew it, it had to be. What else could it possibly be.

Hiroki had ran out of his office with his stuff at realizing it. He hadn't even realized how much he had been running until he arrived at the door to his apartment. He stood there panting breathlessly before pushing open the door.

"Ah, welcome back h-" Nowaki stopped in mid sentence as he looked over at his lover, his eyes widened at seeing the brunette.

Hiroki stood there panting awfully his whole body trembling he looked pale his eyes wide his brows furrowed he looked awful his legs looking as if they'd fall right under him.

"Hiro-san" Nowaki said standing up and rushing over to him "what's wrong" he asked with deep concern in his eyes.

"Nowaki...I...I...I" he stuttered hopelessly Nowaki looked at him rapping his arms around the others trembling figure. Hiroki felt his fingers clutching to him .

/_Say it...come on say it already...god say it right now/_

"I..I..I......I'm sorry" he finally said Nowaki widened his eyes.

"Huh" he asked "Hiro-san why are you...apologizing" he asked confusedly.

Hiroki could feel something inside him breaking he wasn't sure what though he had his eyes shut he couldn't bare to look at him. he could already feel shameful tears begin to streak his face.

"I'm sorry Nowaki...I'm sorry" he sobbed out how could he have done this to him. How could he have caused Nowaki pain like this.

"Hiro-san why are you apologizing" he asked again holding on tightly though to the sobbing brunette.

"I'm sorry that I did this to you" he said how out of character he must sound right now ...but he didn't care for once..for once in his life his pride had vanished and he wasn't quite sure were it went. Now he was left alone with only his inner voice and his feelings that he might not have even known existed.

"I have been avoiding you alright...but its not because you did something its because......because I can't.....I can't say-" he felt himself choke again while Nowaki waited patiently. "I can't say it" he said in distress.

"What Hiro-san" Nowaki asked looking at him.

"W-what I can't say is...how I feel about you....I can't say it" he sobbed out.

"Do you mean......I love you" he asked looking down at him there was a small nod of his head.

"And I can't say it because......because last time I-I did......they broke my heart....." he said bottled up feelings finally pouring out.

"And I didn't want it to happen again......" he sobbed out. His hands clutching to the blue eyed male.

Nowaki looked down at him his eyes slightly wide a sudden feeling of relief washed over him and then something else. He smiled at him tightening his grip around the older one.

"I love you Hiro-san" he said

Hiroki let out a choked sob as he heard these words.

/_Come on...you can do it....say it...say it/_

"I....I....I....l- I lo-" the words kept getting cut off in his throat. Nowaki looked down at him and leaned down kissing him closing his eyes. Swallowing up the others words he could feel the others trembling subside, he departed looking at him.

"I love you"

The words finally coming out silently, Hiroki opened his teary hazel eyes at hearing himself say those words. It felt like his heart had been set free the most wonderful feeling overtaking him. Nowaki's eyes were also slightly wide but he smiled.

"I love you too" he said and kissed him again Hiroki's arms holding on to him like he'd never let go and his grip matched the brunette's.

"I love you" Hiroki repeated again

He'd done it...he'd finally said it....and now...he couldn't stop. Finally having said those words.

"I love you"

Those three stupid words.

THE END

_**oh my god i finished it....okay i may have an epilogue so don't worry but how'd you like it REVIEW**_


	5. Epilogue funnyOh well

_**Disclaimer-don't own Junjou romantica egoist or anything**_

_**OH and thank you to Yamasasha who gave me the idea 'THANKS SO MUCH YOU ROCK'**_

_**...................**_

Hiroki stood there with the 'oh shit' look on his face. He was in school right now, it was an hour before the students got there, this was around the time the teachers arrived.

You may ask why Hiroki had the 'oh shit' look on his face.....it was because he was in a whole shit load of trouble. Because what had he forgotten to do last night....yep you guessed it...lock up.

/_**OH**_ _**CRAP **__I completely forgot, I was in such a rush to get home last night that I forgot to lock up __**OH FUCK/**_

So now here he was standing next to a very pissed Miyagi, Miyagi may not look scary and he may seem like the more intimidating of the two...but when he wanted to and especially when he was mad Miyagi was scary as hell. No,really he looked like a demon even more the he did....him compared to an angry Miyagi made him look like a fricken kitten.

Oh he was so in for it now.

"Um....." Hiroki started but found he couldn't finish. He could feel Miyagi's glare on him.

"I thought you said you were going to lock up" he said with his arms crossed.

"Well....u-uh y-yeah I did" he said stuttering he looked the other way.

/_**I'M GANNA FRICKEN DIE!!!/**_

"And yet here I am and the doors still open" he said a dark aura emitting from him.

/_**OH SHIT/**_

Hiroki walked into the room in a vain attempt to escape his fate. Miyagi followed him.

"Kamijou" he growled practically. Hiroki was now very glad he was able to tell Nowaki that he loved him last night, because it looked like he was going to die.

"**KAMIJOU!" **Miyagi yelled at him.

"AH" Hiroki shouted and ran to the phone his fingers hurriedly dialing the number. He put it to his ear.

/_Come on for the love of God Nowaki pick up/_

_"Hello" _Nowaki said on the other line.

"Nowaki" Hiroki said in a panicked voice.

"_Ah, Hiro-san" _Nowaki replied.

"Hey remember when you said you wanted to protect me" he asked glancing behind him to find he was going to die soon.

"_Yeah" _he replied. Miyagi grabbed Hiroki by the back of his collar Hiroki's eyes grew wide.

"NOW WOULD BE THE TIME!!!!" he screamed. Miyagi growled pulling the younger man away from the phone "AHHH" Hiroki shouted.

"GET OVER HERE KAMIJOU" Miyagi shouted at him.

[Meanwhile at the hospital]

"Hm" Nowaki asked as the line went dead he took the phone away from his ear.

"What was that about" his sempai asked looking at Nowaki. Nowaki looked at him and shrugged shutting his phone.

"I'm not sure" he said in confusion but then shrugged simply "Oh well" he said. "I'm sure it was nothing" Nowaki said.

END END

_**lol I thought I was putting an epilogue on and after reading that comment I had to do this**_


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